Just because I have to...

On September 2, 2009

Nope, I haven't forgotten about this blog. It's just that things came up... big things... really big things. That includes the passing of my dear grandma while training for an affiliate marketing campaign to be launched within days, my grandpa's health condition, and did I mention I turned twenty five just a couple of days after grandma died? Which makes it more painful because she used to always be the first to greet me and even cook my favorite treat.

I'm not inspired to write anything. At least not while I'm going through this. God knows how much I miss grandma and how much I still want to embrace the pain before I could get over it. I still want to breakdown like a little child and weep until I fall to sleep, hoping I'll wake up and it was all just a bad dream. I still don't want to eat anything and just stay tucked in bed holding her pictures.

But I can't. This life won't care about your dilemmas. It will remain cruel and kick your ass and push you to live. But I know that if only she were still here, she would give me that reassuring hug saying everything will be alright. And that's just one of the things I awfully miss.

I always remember the last glance I had of her. If I had only known it was the last chance to stay by her side, I wouldn't have gone home that night. It feels like drowning in a sea of regrets and I can't seem to swim back to the shore just yet. Days after the interment, I thought I would be all cried out but I proved myself wrong. I realized that when you love someone with all your heart, there will always be tears for the happy memories, and tears for the sorrow of letting go.

It's like hundreds of daggers wounding my flesh in the middle of a battlefield but because I'm still alive, I have to hold my stance and fight again, fight back, and fight until the end.